SHITARKIMUSHROOMS and CRAPOLLA IDONTKNOW!
by iheartboys
Summary: A random story with a lot of inside personal jokes...just read it.
1. The attack of the orange

Disclaimer: Anything Harry Potter related is either the property of J.K Rolling or Warner Bros.  
  
A/N: This is my first fic and it is totally random so go easy on me.  
  
This is Scott speaking I am warning you all now that if you are the type of person who is offended by 'those' types of Fics...Then I strongly suggest that you introduce your self to the back button, NOW why it is not to late!  
  
Warning: R rated for sexual situations.  
  
Chapter One: The attack of The Orange.  
  
One fine day Harry Potter woke in the Hogwarts castle. Harry was extra bubbly and cheerful today, for today was a celebration. It had been exactly six years since Harry and Ron had first met and they were celebrating this fine occasion with their other best friend Hermione. Ron and Harry went way back; they were like this (cross fingers). You could even say they were just like brothers... that were if Ron actually had money and if Harry had orange hair. They were going to go and visit Hogsmead and then camp out in the Shrieking Shack with there friend Sirius Black, who was more like a father than a friend to them.  
  
Harry set off down to the Great Hall with a gigantic smile on his face. He walked over to the Gryffindor table ignoring the Slytherin death glares that followed him, for nothing could bring him down today. Shortly after Harry's arrival Ron joined him, also with that familiar grin on his face.  
  
"Hiya mate" Ron said cheerfully.  
  
"Hi Ron"  
  
"So what time is Hermione meeting us in Hogsmead?"  
  
"I don't know, she's your girlfriend"  
  
The two chuckled over Harry's lame joke, both shouting out such things as BOMM, BOMM. As Harry and Ron made their way down to Hogsmead they talked of the past two years they had spent together. Also to Harry's disappointment Ron reminded Harry of the four amazing hours they had spent in the hot tub, that time they were "experimenting". Harry quickly changed the subject and were soon talking about there favorite muggle games Monopoly and Scrabble.  
  
Later that day the boy's met up with Hermione in The Hogs Head. After a while they figured that they should go and meet up with their pal Snuffles coughSirius Black cough.  
  
Later that night when Harry was sleeping Ron was secretly watching him. He was having urges to jump on Harry and do naughty things that would take away the poor boys innocence. Suddenly Ron's eyes turned red and the orange haired boy pounced on Harry fiercely. Harry awoke with a fright as the orange haired boy pulled out some handcuffs and a dagger.  
  
"Get off me you Retard" said Harry angrily.  
  
"Don't call me a frickin Retard you frickin Hobo" Ron said back.  
  
"Ron what the hell is that around your neck" said Harry.  
  
Suddenly Ron turned bright red and the color in his eyes went away.  
  
"O my god, is that a hair doll?" Hermione said adding herself into the conversation.  
  
"Who asked you to join the conversation, this convo is between me and the ranga got it you A-hole?" said Harry.  
  
"NO, I don't know what you're talking about, it fell out of his hair that way I swear" said Ron.  
  
"You obsessive freak" said a random (could have been snuffles)  
  
Suddenly before they new it Ron pulled out a machine gun and killed Hermione and the Random, and then Hermione's dead body turned into a chinchilla and ran into a book. Ron's eyes had turned Red again and Harry was scared.  
  
Okay that is it. In the next chapter find out why Hermione turned into a chinchilla? And what a chinchilla is? Oh and of course why the cute Ranga has turned into an insane Hobo?  
  
Okay I know it is totally random...but come on please review.  
  
Luv Ya.

PS: Oh yeh I forgot to tell you that I am crap at spelling


	2. The fight for four eyes

Disclaimer: Anything Harry Potter related is either the property of J.K Rolling or Warner Bros.  
  
A/N: This is my first fic and it is totally random so go easy on me.  
  
This is Scott speaking I am warning you all now that if you are the type of person who is offended by 'those' types of Fics...Then I strongly suggest that you introduce your self to the back button, NOW why it is not to late!  
  
Warning: R rated for sexual situations.  
  
Chapter two: The fight for four eyes.  
  
Ron's eyes had gone that evil red color again and Harry was literally shitting himself. Hermione was knocked out stone cold after transforming into a chinchilla and running into a book.  
  
"Hahahahaha" Ron laughed evilly, "I am know longer the weak sidekick, but instead the kick Ass Ranga"  
  
All of a sudden Harry felt brave again and he stood up to face the crazy hobo.  
  
"RON, put-the-machine-gun-down" said Harry bravely.  
  
"Don't talk to me" replied Ron.  
  
Suddenly a bright light shone behind them and He who must not be named appeared. Harry rolled his eyes. He was officially over being scared of Voldemort, it was so last year.  
  
"Oh look it's the smart guy, why don't you say something smart, smart guy" said Harry.  
  
"Oh BOMM BOMM, great one Harry, but you know what I think your right, maybe I will say something smart." Said Voldemort, "AVADA KEDAVRA"  
  
"Don't do it you imbecile" yelled Ron.  
  
The spell hit Harry's glasses and bounced off them and onto the chinchilla (Hermione). Hermione transformed back into a witch.  
  
"Voldemort" Hermione said bravely, "If you want to kill Harry, you will have to kill me first"  
  
"That can be arranged" said Ron.  
  
"Oh why don't you go back to your common room, that way I don't have to look at you" said Voldemort.  
  
Hermione began to cry so Harry cast a spell on her to make her turn back into a chinchilla.  
  
"You are not going to kill Harry Voldemort...I am" said Ron.  
  
"Well Ron I won't go down without a fight, so you better bring it" said Voldemort.  
  
"Oh it's already been broughten" said Ron.  
  
So the fight between Voldie and Ron began and after about two minutes Ron was almost dead.  
  
"Give up" said Voldemort.  
  
"Never" said Ron  
  
Voldemort kicked Ron in the head.  
  
"How about now"  
  
"NO" yelled Ron.  
  
All of a sudden Hermione transformed back into a witch...again, and cast Voldemort with a death spell thing. Then she cured Ron, Ron straightened up.  
  
"And don't come back you Looney" he yelled throwing his fist up at Voldemort. "I don't think he will be coming back I really showed him" said Ron.  
  
Then Ron turned to Harry with the evil red still in his eye.  
  
"I am now going to kill you Harry, have you any last words?" Ron asked.  
  
"Tell him the way you feel" said a random.  
  
"Know one will ever love you like I do Ronnie" said Harry.  
  
"Well in that case I shall not kill you" said Ron, 'Hermione on the other hand must die"  
  
"NOOOOO" screamed Hermione.  
  
"Harry there is something wrong with Ron, grab that book down there. The book has something about being possessed in it" said Hermione.  
  
"And how do you know that" said Harry.  
  
"I read it why I was a chinchilla"  
  
"It says to free the soul within say the following incantation" Harry read.  
  
COMO HOBO OMO FICKLEBERRY  
  
Suddenly there was a bright light and Voldies brother came out of Ron.  
  
"Eekus Mageekus" said Ron, 'That was bloody scary"  
  
Voldemorts evil brother flew away and Ron dropped all his weapons. The trio went back to the castle but on the way Draco showed up with his new girlfriend who was a piece of grass.  
  
"Potter and co. meet my girlfriend her name is Eugene" said Draco.  
  
At that moment Eugene had a baby and it was a weenie weed. The weenie weed pulled out a weenie machine gun and shot a weenie bullet at Hermione, and then Hermione for the five thousand time turned into a chinchilla. Draco liked the look of that chinchilla so he pounced on it. Draco and the chinchilla made love on the grass and then the chinchilla had many babies, then Draco, who was now a proud father named them all wee baby nuclei.  
  
That's it for this chapter. Stay tuned and find out about the chinchilla and why Draco is so attracted to animals and plants.  
  
eHHer 


End file.
